through the tears

I'm going to tell you a few things up front with this post. 1. There will be no pictures. Don't have any that I can share. 2. It's about my work baby and not my (gave birth to) babies. 3. It's gonna be long. 4. You might cry, but you might just think I'm rambling.  5. Tomorrow evening I will share pictures of the adventure last night.

As some people may or may not know, I work with kids that have emotional and/or behavioral disorders. My job title will vary from place to place. Behaviorist. Behavior Specialist. Clinician. Behavior "therapist" (I do quotes b/c I don't have a masters degree, therefore I am not technically a therapist...). All of the kids we work with are either considered "at risk" for a SED (Severe Emotional Disturbance) or are already considered to have an SED.

So yesterday morning started with breakfast with my favorite 2nd grade boy. We'll call him T. He was goofy, giddy, and (quite frankly) WILD. I took him to the nurse for our normal routine and he informed me he needed 5 cups of water. Oy.  Then I dropped him off in his classroom and went to enjoy my breakfast and put on that make up. Within a half an hr, I'd already chased him around the school, given him a firm talking to, and then had to remove him from the library. It progressed and got worse and worse. As I removed him from his classroom again, I managed to end up with a few battle wounds. Such is life.

He was in the room with us for the entire morning. He was in NO shape to go back to class. He was, however, calm and just sat at the table. We completed a few of his classroom assignments, but  not all of them. I had him walk with me to heat up my lunch. I noticed that he seemed on the verge of tears the whole time.  We talked about how sometimes we just need to cry.  We don't ALWAYS have to be tough. Crying is ok. And sometimes after we cry, we're ready to talk about what we are feeling inside. I'm not sure if I was talking to him or myself, to be perfectly honest.  But he maintained and was able to transition back to class for lunch. We spent recess together completing another assignment and he was able to go back to class.

And then it started. Then the tears started. And they kept going... and going... and going. He just had his head on his desk and he wept. He covered his face and quietly left the room with me and went back to our room. Where he sobbed some more. And he looked at me with tear streaked cheeks and for a moment, our eyes locked. I felt his pain. A pain so deep that I cannot even begin to comprehend the pain this little boy is feeling.  Now, he wouldn't open up to me about WHY he was crying, but we got through it.  And he held my hand and hugged me. He was able to pack up his bookbag without a problem and bounced to the bus line with a huge smile.

I was reminded that sometimes we need to cry.  Sometimes the only way to feel better is through our tears. One huge, big, ugly, snot face, boo hoo cry session leaves you feeling so much better (and sometimes with a headache...). I want to know what is causing him pain, but right now that is not what is important. Right now a little boy felt the freedom to cry until he couldn't cry anymore. Through his tears, he was able to get through the day.

And a huge break through... he's never apologized for the times he has gotten aggressive around me. NEVER. And... I don't make him. And actually, he has never intentionally hurt me. He will intentionally go AROUND me and avoid hurting me... even in the midst of his anger and aggression. This morning when I told him today was a new day and a day filled with good choices. I let him know that the expectation was that he would make appropriate choices. I told him I didn't come to work to get scratched again b/c I had a 2 yr old at home that was capable of doing that. He told me it was the dry erase board that scratched me (well, he was right about ONE of the scratches) and then that the one he did was smaller.  But also that he couldn't have done it b/c his nails were short. Well, I checked... he cut his nails last night. Short. (they were pretty long yesterday...). For the first time in working together, he recognized that he had caused me pain and he took the  initiative to take care of a problem. no prompting. And he apologized. Today was a good day. A day of firsts. It was the rainbow after the storm. Each storm is worth it if there is a rainbow at the end...